Being selfish and self-centered, while in this world don’t seem to be, are two different things. It’s good to be selfish, to care about protecting yourself and want things for you. Being self-centered is blocking out everyone else because you only care about you. Two different things, trust me. I may not know a lot, but I know this, you are selfish and selfless, selfishly trying to save yourself, and selflessly trying to save others.
Every person has their downfall, their own tick that makes them seem so undeniably selfish that no one would ever think that they’d give up everything they had created for someone else. But people are fake, heartbreaking creatures, that try to put off any type of learning until it’s shoved in their face. People don’t care to know what the truth is, what they want to know is what you’re doing wrong so they can shove it in your face. They don’t want an apology, they want you begging on your knees for you to forgive them for the rest of their lives while they turn up their noses and ignore you. And just like them, I can say I want to be a billion different things, but what I say is not proof, but my actions are. I forgive people even though they crush my spirit, I love people even though they do unlovable things. I believe in people who have been so beaten down by life there’s no way for them to get back up. I try to be strong, and I feel like I’ve accomplished at least the trying part, because I know most of the time I’m not, and I won’t be fake and say that I am.
But I am selfish, I am selfish because I want to be loved, I want to be cared for and needed and adored; even if I actually don’t think I deserve it. I’m selfish because I want to get in the shower before my brother (he will take all of the hot water). I’m selfish because, yes, it was me who ate the last cookie (you shouldn’t have left it out). I’m selfish because my heart has been hurt a thousand times before and it’s been wrung so dry that I don’t feel like it can be fixed, but I’m trying. I’m being selfish and I’m trying.
I am also selfless. I give myself up for people, I love them when they don’t deserve it. I’m selfless because I give people things they ask for, without thinking twice about myself. I’m selfless because I get up every morning and take care of a child that’s not mine, (she’s not even my sister), but I act like she is, because that’s what I have to do. I’m selfless because I take care of people who have turned their backs on me, but then needed to come back because they needed my help.
I am both selfish and selfless, no, I have not found the perfect balance. And no, I am not good at it either. I’m either too selfish or too selfless, and either way around someone ends up getting hurt. Usually it’s me, because I just love too easily. But at this point it doesn’t matter who gets hurt, it just matters that it happens and that it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t push and shove and try to win, because I want to spite someone (definitely still my brother), but sometimes I can’t help it (he’s extremely annoying). Sometimes I can’t help but want to win and beat people, but other times I can, and I wish I could be like that all the time, but I, just like everyone else, am not perfect.
I hope you realize, it’s okay to be selfish, and it’s okay to be selfless. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.