Untitled

by Mark S.

When sea is clear, and victory’s near,
I hear the ocean’s moan.
I then jump high, and then I cry,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
I watch the beast, as it feasts,
On the unfortunate souls.
Our sailors gone, and victory’s lost,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
The coast is clear, yet death is near,
Stranded on an island we are.
No road to walk, no ship to sail,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
We make our way, through the woods,
‘Til soon we find a gorge.
A ship there sits, and treasures gleam,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
The men surge forth, and are claimed by Death,
The captain distraught cries out.
We wander some more, and worried I cry,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
A pit we find, and angry the men are,
So throw me into a pit they do.
Anguished I sigh, and try to climb high,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-
Nothing I hear, for they don’t draw near,
Abandoned I find myself lying.
No food to eat, no water to drink,
“Turn back, turn back, I say!”
—————-

No problems we’d face, if listened had they,
For I warned them at the sea.
Once more I cry, in hopes resolute,
“Come back, come back, I say!”

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Posted on October 13, 2018, in 2018-2019, Poetry, Student Writing. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I think this style is actually relatively rare, but it was executed very well. Great job 🙂

    • Thank you! My writing style is a little less unique than this poem, but the original poem I wrote had a very wacky style. First stanza was 5 lines, second stanza was 4 lines, etc, all ending with “Turn back, turn back, I say”, and I figured in the rewrite, I should probably make it less “me”…

      • Do you have a blog, or an email? I’d love to read some of your other writing 🙂 And, well, I think this poem was done really well

      • Yes, I have both a blog and an email. I don’t typically give away my email, but I will give you my blog. I’m looking for more readers for it, anyhow! (I think you can just click my name and it will take you there; I’m not terribly sure, though. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just post it the simply way.)

  2. Thanks!…I think…when people compare me to Edgar Allan Poe, I’m not sure whether they’re complimenting me or not, but I guess being compared to a famous poet isn’t that bad :/

    • Ah, okay. Yeah, I read Annabel Lee a bit ago, curious about it. Funny how it ends with a grave near the sea, similar to how the main character in mine died near the sea…
      (Sorry for not posting directly on your last comment. I couldn’t get the reply button to appear, so I chose to reply here.)

  3. StoryTeller4401

    Dud I loved this, you can really paint a picture.:)

    • Thanks! I’m worse at “painting a picture” in literal terms, and in standard writing. I guess I got lucky here, and I’m honestly glad I did. This is a writing club, after all, and wouldn’t it be just lucky if I ended up writing an awful poem right off the bat? Lol

  4. I really enjoyed reading this. You implement vivid imagery, and I just love the structure of this, too. Also, I agree with Shalymar, this did remind me of Edgar Allan Poe and more so, I think, Walt Whitman with how he wrote his poems in his collection, “Leaves of Grass.” Your poem reminded me of that. Again, I really enjoyed this. It is evocative to older styles in poetry, which you pulled off really well.

    • Thanks! Truth be told, this might actually be the most successful any of my writing has ever been…
      Which is bad, because I have a hard time not letting something get to my head :/

      • I can understand that. I sometimes think the same about my own writing, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. I think, in a way, it can help to see where you’d like to set your goals in the future for writing–essentially to see what your strengths are and where to take it.

      • True; you’re wiser than I am! It’s not much of a surprise to me. I don’t usually sit around and think about things much.

  5. Wow, so beautiful Mark, this piece is just so creative, I love this writing style as well. The rhythm and repetitive end lines create such an amazing image and it reminds me so much of “O Captain! my Captain!” by Walt Whitman.” Literally, the scene the world describes is so identical, and whats amazing is that its so different and the writing styles are again, so similar yet so different. Well done, this is a great piece!

    • Gracias! (And now I need to look up Walt Whitman. He’s been mentioned twice and I have no clue who he is!)

      • You’re Welcome! And you do, I’ve only read one of his poems that sounds similar to yours and was like wow, he has had to of read it since there is such a common theme. Not too familiar with his works but that one poem I mentioned is pretty amazing!

  6. I can’t stop rereading this! I love how even though each stanza is independent, they all come together to really tell a story! I love this style! Great job, Mark!

  7. I know this is super late but, I couldn’t help but comment… this is such a unique work of art. I love this style, it’s very vintage but I feel like people don’t embrace the older techniques that literature from the past has to offer. It’s really hard (or at least its hard for me) to write a poem like this without it sounding like it should be in a children’s book, but, don’t worry, yours was the complete opposite 🙂 You were able to have that rhyming and rhythmic pattern while still keeping the poem very sophisticated and you told such an interesting story in just 8 verses 😀 I’ve always wanted to be able to write something in this style and, no I won’t call it jealousy, I just have an admiration of your writing abilities and how you have the talent to write poetry like I might read it in an old book of poems.

  8. ok wow that was long, sorry… basically, that was a really awesome poem, and I can’t wait to read more of your works on the blog, really beautiful job 🙂

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